God only knows

For about a week after losing Baby Appleseed (and sporadically since then), I typed "miscarrage" into just about every internet search engine I could think of. And as morbid as it may seem, I even searched for pictures. I only saw a little gray blob in my toilet (see first post), and I desperately wanted to see what our baby may have looked like.

I looked at miscarriage photos from several different weeks of gestation. God is so amazing, and His creations are wonderful. All babies are beautiful - at all stages of gestation.

I'm very sad to have miscarried. My husband and I talk about it every day, and cry together reguarly. But I am comforted to have a general idea of what our little Appleseed looked like at nearly 6 weeks gestation. I know, too, that God was watching and delighting in His precious creation in my womb. He loved my baby, too.

Psalm 139: 13 - 16, New Living Translation:
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me
together in my mother’s womb. 14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully
complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. 15
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was
woven together in the dark of the womb. 16 You saw me before I was
born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid
out before a single day had passed.

I still struggle to answer the questions, the why's, the why-not's. We may never know. Even though it isn't always easy, we have to trust in God, and trust that His plan is perfect. All it takes is faith as small as a mustard seed. Every day is a struggle...but so far we've made it through.

I just downloaded a Christian study about miscarriages. I didn't realize they even had a miscarriage study. I found it at TodaysChristianWomanStore.com. I'm anxious to read it with my husband tonight.